Mr. Decker’s Blog

I have a friend who organized a “family meeting” the other night. There was no emergency… just a desire for improved communication and better understanding. He told me though, that what he found most interesting, were the ‘personal prespectives’ from each family member as they went around the room from oldest to youngest, sharing their opinions and concerns.

Each child, in turn, gave their views of the family condition - based on their own ‘feelings’ and on how things affected them personally. Comments such as…”When this happens, I feel…” Or, “I don’t like it when…” were commonplace. Nothing unusal about that, per se. But, it struck me… these parents had arranged to have the family meet initially, because they wanted to learn what the kids were feeling. They didn’t come needing to share anything themselves neccesarily - but just to listen, instead.

Now, this is not an indictment against young people’s perspectives - but it does appear that there is a reached ‘tipping point’ when we finally mature enough to realize that we are only role players in a large group production… not center stage in some lead role of life. When we do ultimately discover that; it allows us to look across a room and care about what another’s concern or condition may be - with equal weight to our own issues. That certainly reduces the amount of ‘drama’ required in the presentation of life as it plays out all around us. Sadly, some folks journey all through life, deprived of that realization, due to some extreme need, or wound, which does not allow them to lift their head and see the needs and hurts of others.

In our Jairus Teen 12 Step, we recognize when a young person is ‘getting it’ by the amount of time they spend listening to their peers, without constantly interjecting their own responses based on immediate feelings. To be self consumed is to be unsatisfied… and to dwell on your personal disatisfaction sours your environment… I was on the phone with a friend the other day and was amazed at the disrespect and discord that could be heard in the background. Isn’t home supposed to be a safe haven? Well… not if it is only the place where individuals come, in order to take care of their personal needs. A home is a place for family… and family looks out for each other. My daughter’s life can be no less imporatant than my own. My time is equal to my son’s. My needs are to take a back seat to my spouse’s. If all live that way - everyone is being looked after. Simple enough.

There was a 1st Century author named James who wrote part of the New Testament in the Bible. He had the opportunity to live in a family that included his big brother… a Jewish carpenter named Jesus. Later in life, James wrote down a pretty good admonition for any family… even the ‘family of mankind’, itself. It reads; “Everyone should be quick to listen… slow to speak… and slow to get angry.” I always think James must have seen that behavior modeled in his immediate family growing up… as he watched his big brother live out those very words. Today, we could all take the same cue… from that same elder Brother… and find some harmony in the family. At home… or in the neighborhoods.

This past weekend, our family went to a local farm that was hosting a sheep shearing exhibition as well as a Border Collie ‘herding’ demonstration. The weather was perfect and the day filled with sights and smells we don’t usually get to enjoy. The atmosphere caused each visitor to feel a part of another time - generations ago - when farms were commonplace and produce was found on a stalk, not in a plastic bag tucked into a refridgerated aisle in a supermarket.
What struck me most was a kid next to us during the collie display. It was remarkable to see these animals in harmony with each other; sheep and shepherd dog in a dance that has come down through the centuries. Dog and master tuned to a rythymn of life that commands respect and admiration. And all the while, beside me, a 10-ish year old wrapped in complete boredom… begging his dad to get him out of there - anyplace else - where he could be doing something ‘exciting.’His father finally gave up and the pair trudged away to the parking lot. I could only imagine that the ride home would culminate in a television being turned on and the video games being dropped into the slot. Fun.
I am a fan of technology - in fact I composed this Blog on my tiny handheld BlackBerry. But we have lost something as a culture in our desperate hunt for entertainment. You see, at the farm I stood and watched the sheep in their pen. The older ones gathered the little lambs into the center of the herd and kept a wary eye out for danger. In the Bible, God declares that we humans are a lot like sheep. I wonder. They have the good sense to huddle together - not a selfish one in the lot. And not a video game to be found - for miles. Boredom doesn’t live on farms. But there sure is a celebration of life that can only be found in places like that… where the songs of the ages are still hummed in the breeze; and one can still see the Dance. The Lord of the Dance still calls a generation to come join in. Their response is a collective ‘yawn.’